just say "no"?

For a couple of days now I have been hearing about the new book "The Power of No" by Beth Wareham. The book’s premise is that you only have one life and you shouldn't waste even one second doing something you don't want to b/c you were too afraid to say "no." Saying no, she declares, reclaims your time, your power, and your respect for yourself by communicating "I don't have time for this nonsense. I am making a great life here."

If only it were that easy. There are likely many times when saying 'no' may do all those things, but many other times, we agree to do something out of love or resect for another person and we are rewarded for that in other ways. I have a friend who refuses to go to weddings anymore, and I can see her point. She doesn't like them (not being a big fan of marriage anyway) and no longer wishes to go to the time, trouble and expense to watch someone else celebrate. She hates dressing up and prefers to save the considerable money required to dress and attend these events. I get that; there have been times I wish I could politely decline an invitation without hurting someone's feelings, but most of the time I don't say no when I'd like to because I perceive that doing so would result in hurt feelings and damaged relationships, and I cherish the relationships enough to give my time to preserving them. Only a person who is comfortable with flying solo for life can afford to say no every time it crosses their mind. We often get more than we give when we agree.

I DO think we need to examine all the relationships in our lives and nurture only those that are truly worth the significant effort required. When we discover that one takes more than it gives back, we need to let it go without regret or fear, and the longevity of a relationship shouldn't determine its value. You can't be friends with everyone, nor do you need to be. If there aren't thousands of mourners at your funeral and a full page obituary, who cares? You'll never know ;-)